Archive for February, 2015

2
Feb

Tieflings Are People Too

   Posted by: Scott Owen    in Skamos Diary

I woke up today inside a tent. I think it’s my tent? There’s no one else here, and that looks like my stuff. I decide to get up, and step outside. I see a few other tents near a dying campfire. It’s morning. Off to the side I see a halfling tuning his lute. His hair is awesome. He glanced up at me, and it looked like he knew me. I bet we’re good friends.

Across from my tent, there’s  a gnome organizing a stack of books. One of her books looks familiar to me, and that’s as good of an ice breaker as any. I walk over, and it turned out I did recognize that book. It’s a great read, full of stories from people considered insane. It’s tricky to read though, ’cause it’s written backwards and can only be read in a mirror with two pages held up at once, with a light shining through.

I introduce myself to the gnome, whose name is Odaroe. She’s clearly already met me. Whatever, I’m used to that. I ask her what she thinks about the book, and it turns out she has no idea how to read it, so I teach her. For some reason she doesn’t seem surprised that I liked it.

I then notice a few other people around the camp. There’s a scruffy-looking ranger-fellow who’s probably half-orc. Interesting.

There’s also a magicky looking fella named Rolen, and a lady-monk (Nithral, I think?). They’re all talking about some guy named Laosin. Apparently he destroyed this Abbey we’re camping in (oh hey, we’re in an abbey!).

Guy sounds like an asshole.

There’s debate over whether we should follow his trail (the ranger seems to want vengeance for some guy named Marcon), or whether we should continue looking for a dragon cult.

Well, shit.

These people are clearly  familiar with me, though, so I guess I ‘ll just stick with them. Better waking up naked and confused with friends, than by yourself, right? Wait, am I naked? One sec.

While I was getting dressed, I heard pieces of conversation. Red Wizards, Cult of Tiamat, Morning…wood? Hehe.

The group decides to follow Laosin’s trail out of a secret tunnel. The tunnel leads to a path out of the abbey, and we ride out. Nithral really really wants to check out some old haunted Paladin fort. I am indifferent until Nithral mentions treasures. Let’s go there.

Around nightfall, we come upon a forest called The Forest of Sharp Teeth. I bet it’s nice. Everyone else seems scared, except the ranger. Dunno why night is so scary to people. Looks like I get a chance to be impressive.

I stride up to the ranger, and offer my hand. Here’s the gist of what we said:

“Hey, there…pal?”

“Aff.”

“Cool. Cool. And I am…?”

“Skamos.”

“I know that. I was just seeing if YOU knew.” Smooooth.

“Uh huh.” (Apparently this guy is used to me asking questions like this).

“Sooo…you can get us through here?”

“Oh totes.”

“Cool. Let’s go.”

So we start walking in the forest. It’s full of super sharp brambles and thorns.

Ohh, Sharp Teeth. I get it.

Aff finds a trail of blood, and we follow it. We walk for probably 4 hours before we see some light up ahead. Near the light we can make out what appears to be a dark-skinned human and a reddish Dragonborn. Oh and there’s doggies! Three dogs sleeping! The Dragonborn looks pissed though. Dunno how you can be pissed when there’s dogs to play with.

The group seems concerned about these fellas. I just want to pet some dogs. I ask Aff what he thinks. Aff says “You’re pretty amazing at things. You proved that yesterday. I want you to go ahead of us and be our ambassador.” I reply, “Well obviously I know what you’re talking about. But I just want to make sure you saw the whole thing. Remind me…?” Aff recounts some incredible feat of flaming wall jumping or something. “Yeah that sounds like me. I’ll scout ahead.”

I expertly and importantly lead the group in creeping up to the fire. I’m sneaky as hell. Nithral is so friggin loud, though. Luckily nobody at the fire notices.

As I get closer, I notice that the human is nursing one of his dogs, who appears to be wounded. The Dragonborn looks irritated. Time to shine.

I stride up to the fire and give a cheery “Hello!”

Immediately the human grabs his great spear and levels it at me. The dragonborn conjures a fireball in his hand. This is going great.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Fellas! Buddies! I’m cool!” I assure them.

The dragonborn says, “Yoo’ve got about foive seconds t’ identify yerself, afore I explode yer nether-regions, demon.”

Okay, rude.

“I’m not a demon. I’m a Tiefling, you racist.”

The human speaks up “Tell us who you are, immediately.”

“I’m–” wait, shit. I turn around and call into the woods “Hey guys, who am I again?”

Suddenly the dragonborn and the human become even more alert. Nobody replies. “Guys?”

“Who are you talking to?”

“My friends. They’re cool. Not as cool as me.”

The dragonborn conjures another fireball. “Three seconds.” This guy, right?

Just then Rolen steps in with Tarmo. Tarmo is my best friend, I think.

Rolen tells everyone to chill, and man do I feel chill. Everyone comes out of the forest then, and starts talking. I play with the dogs. They’re so nice. They’re named Leeroy, Fritz, and Carla. Turns out these guys ran into Laosin, and Laosin hurt Carla. That bastard. He also stole the dragon-man’s staff (I honestly don’t remember his name, but screw that guy anyway). Everyone decides to go to sleep, and we’ll all look for Laosin together tomorrow.

The next day, we continue through the forest. Carla seems way better. Odaroe seems pretty happy about it. I think she did it.

We make it out of the forest and come across a…protrusion. It’s like a big stone…rod. Nithral says it’s Fort Morninglord (I’m pretty sure she’s just pronouncing Morning Wood wrong, but I’m not gonna correct her). She wants to investigate, but everyone else decides to continue following the blood trail, which leads down the road away from the Fort Bonertown. We come upon a wide open clearing, with a few boulders scattered around. There’s also some splattered deer. Seems fine. But then Odaroe swears she can hear some muffled laughter from the woods across the clearing. The dogs get restless. Their master says they can sense enemies.

I decide to go investigate. I get a little ways through the clearing, and see some dark figures. Huge figures. I get a bad feeling, and sprint right towards them. Smart, I know. I then immediately hide behind a tree. I’m so good at hiding! I peek around the tree, and see two giants standing right there. Neato! Too bad my followers are 100 feet away and I can’t warn them.

Just then, an icy arrow flies in and hits one of the giants. I decide to climb up a tree to get a better vantage point. I am super good at climbing.

I decide to check and see what kind of weapons I have in my pack. I find a bottle labeled “POISON. DO NOT EAT.” Perfect. I take out a dagger, and dip it into the bottle. No idea what kind of poison this is, or how it even works, or how to use it, but it can’t be hard to figure out right?

Time to be awesome. I run down the branch and leap off towards the closest giant, poison dagger raised above my head. I stab the giant and drag my knife halfway down his back as I fall to the ground.

I am magnificent.

The giant uproots a boulder, and I decide to hide in the crater left behind. Last place he’d look, right?

Oh, nope, it’s the first place he looks. The giant tosses the boulder directly at me. I roll safely out of the way because I am awesome. Suddenly, fire erupts nearby! None of it hits me. High five! The giants get hit though. The trees light on fire. I’m surrounded by flames. This feels right. I must’ve done this before.

However, I of course realize that fire bad. I decide to leave. I run back towards my followers, out of the forest. I shout “Giants in there!” and then go to hide. But I’m in a wide open clearing. I make myself look like a tree. I’m a great tree.

One giant lumbers out of the forest, right past me.

I’m the best tree. Other trees wish they were me.

The giant picks up another boulder and hurls it at my people. Man, I hope they know how to fight. Maybe the fire was from them. I decide to try and poison the giant again. I get out the bottle, but the stopper won’t come out. Maybe it needs gravity to help it. I lift it above my head, holding it upside down, and sure enough it comes right open! Awesome! Right into my mouth!

Ah, fuck.

Whatever. I’m going for it. I briefly consider trying to climb up to the giant’s eyes, but then I throw up and also I think I’m about to shit myself. I’m just gonna go for the back of the knee. I slash like I’ve never slashed before.

Weird, I don’t remember the blade part of the dagger looking so much like a hilt. I decide to hide again. I’m a shrub.

I just want to sleep. As I’m laying here, I see a giant club come swinging down at me.

“Come on, man.” I mutter as I roll easily out of the way. The club misses by inches before crashing down again.

“Dude, seriously.” I roll the other way. Miss again.

Fire erupts behind me. It feels nice. As I hear a giant collapse, I decide it’s time to go to sleep.